he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
