I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
