he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
