i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
