The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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