I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
