don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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