I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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