And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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