Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want nice things and good sex
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
