dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MIDGETS
????
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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