Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
