i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
