Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
