I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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