I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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