Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
