fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
