It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
