i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize