Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
