Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
