We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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