you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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