After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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