nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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