this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
