There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
