and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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