I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
