Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
