3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
