I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
