His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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