Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
