you would pick up someone in the library
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
