Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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