careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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