I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
