is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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