Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
