I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
