You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize