What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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