he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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