your parents love me but you hate me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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