I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize