i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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