Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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