You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
