clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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