I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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