Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
