Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
