i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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