And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
