3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
