I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize