Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
