covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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