Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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