With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
