I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
