There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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