I hate your face
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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